I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
