Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
