Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
