At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
