You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
