we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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