well I can't set my house on fire every night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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