Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
