Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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