tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
