ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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