after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will pee on everything he values.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
