That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
not ubering you a puppy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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