I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
