What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
