Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
