So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
