i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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