Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
