tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
