I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
