What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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