I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
