My first STD was from a foam party
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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