Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
