heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
