I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
