I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
