her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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