So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
