Soap is not a condiment
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
