Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize