you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's shark week go big or go home
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
