had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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