some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
