Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
