Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
