I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
