she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
