Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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