New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
