and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
