would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize