I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
