Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
