Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
