will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
