help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
