none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
