i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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