Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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