How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
