We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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