I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
