I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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