You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
