I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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