I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
