then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
