First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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