I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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