Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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