No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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