My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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