hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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