There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
