bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
