I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
