May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
