oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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