when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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