Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
