Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
too bad you live with your parents still
if only i could text you this smell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
