I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
