My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
