Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
