So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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