you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
