What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
