my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
