I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize